WEBVTT
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Starchy: Welcome back
to "graveyard shift."
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I'm your host -- Starchy.
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You know what today is,
everybody?
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It's our
fifth-anniversary show.
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So many things have happened
in that time.
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I switched
from drinking rainwater
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to eating distilled ice chips.
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I took up rock climbing.
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My wife left me.
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And all-new conspiracies.
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I firmly believe
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that all chocolate has been
secretly replaced by mud.
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And why is the burrito man
giving away free burritos?
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He's an amateur mad scientist
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trying to genetically change us
into tortillas.
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Mm.
Dude, come on.
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When was the last time
you sharpened your pencils? Hm?
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Never. They're pens
painted to look like pencils.
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Conspiracy!
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Okay, the board is lighting up.
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We're going to a caller.
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You are on the air, caller.
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I'm a banana guard.
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Oh. That's a good job
to have.
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Yeah,
it's pretty good.
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Why do they have it tuned
to this every time we're here?
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I call baloney!
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Shh! I'm trying to listen
to the frightened caller.
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So, I think I might have seen
something not from this world.
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Go ahead, caller.
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It happened
last Sunday.
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I was doing my laundry
at the mat,
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when I saw a reflection
of a girl with eerie blank eyes!
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I turned around,
but nobody was there.
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It was scary.
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Yeah, weird girls
with soulless blank eyes --
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they've been spotted
around multiple kingdoms
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across the centuries.
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Nobody knows what they are.
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-But I have a few theories.
-[ Growls ]
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They're ghosts, and the last
thing they looked at in life
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was so horrific,
it made their eyes turn blank.
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Pbbbbbht! Baloney!
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The pizza.
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Pbbbbbbbbbbbbht!
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Take the rest to go.
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My second theory...
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Okay, all boxed up
and ready to go.
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200 bucks.
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...by other blank-eyed girls
touching their eyeballs.
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Blblblblbl! Spooky!
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Ooh, look at me!
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I'm listening to
a dumb nonsense radio show!
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How can you be
so dismissive
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after some of the stuff
we've seen?
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You got to draw the line
somewhere.
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Starchy's my line.
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They're walking fish
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that just happen to look like
little girls.
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Baloney!
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Don't touch my radio!
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It's dark.
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You're sure that blank-eyed
girls are made up, right?
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Yeah, man,
it's all baloney.
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[ Owl hoots ]
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[ Shudders ]
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[ Chuckles ]
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Jake?
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Jake?
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Uh...
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Blank-eyed girl?
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Boo!
[ High-pitched ] Aaaaaah!
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[ Laughs ]
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[ Both laugh ]
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Boo!
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[ Both sigh ]
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[ Twigs snapping ]
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[ Both chuckling nervously ]
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[ Snapping continues ]
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Both:
Is this creeping you out?
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[ Both laugh ]
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[ Owl hoots ]
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[ Snapping continues ]
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Aah! Aah!
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Can I hold your hand?
Can I hold your hand?
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Yes. Yes.
[ Leaves rustle ]
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[ Both gasp ]
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[ Both panting ]
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Aaah!
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[ Both laughing ]
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That was stupid.
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Yeah -- stupid.
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[ Scratching ]
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[ Both gasp ]
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Are you messing with me?
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Unh-unh.
You're messing with me.
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[ Scratching ]
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Must be someone else.
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Yeah,
like...Ice King, maybe.
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Aaah! Aaah!
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Who was that?
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Maybe it was nobody.
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Courage, courage.
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What's wrong with me?
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That could be a normal
little girl who needs help.
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[ Shuddering ] No!
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Aaah! Aaah!
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There!
Blank-eyed girl!
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[ Both screaming ]
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She's too creepy,
man!
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I know! I know!
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But I got an idea.
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Welcome, next caller.
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Finn:
Hello, Starchy? Am I on?
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Yeah, you're on.
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Longtime listener,
first-time caller.
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We got the wonderful
Finn the human on the phone.
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Go ahead, Finn.
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Starchy, I'm in a blank-eyed
girl situation right now.
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What should I do?
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I'm going upstairs
to get a better look.
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All right, stay calm.
You called the right guy.
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The question is,
why did she choose you?
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Are these visits
random events?
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[ Gasps ]
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[ Whimpers ]
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Jake.
Aaah!
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Finn, have you invited
the blank-eyed girl inside?
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No. Why?
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Because I believe the girls
have to follow vampire rules.
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As long as you don't invite her
in, you should be fine.
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Okay.
Let me write this down.
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Oop.
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Starchy?
She invited herself in.
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Uh...Run.
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Starchy, she's staring
right at us!
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Oh! I got it --
fairy rules.
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Try offering her
some cream in saucer.
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That should appease
the blank-eyed girl's hunger
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and send her away.
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Gotcha.
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[ Inhales sharply ]
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-Jake, go get the cream.
-What?!
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No! You go!
This is your deal!
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Just go!
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Okay! Geez!
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Thank you.
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[ Hair rustling ]
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Okay -- cream.
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Euggggghh.
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[ Bowl shatters ]
Aaah!
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-Ewww!
-Starchy?
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Mm. Didn't work, huh?
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Must be a haint, then.
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Try playing the clarinet.
Haints hate the clarinet.
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[ Groans ]
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[ Clarinet playing ]
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I think it's working!
Keep playing!
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[ Clarinet continues ]
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Uh...
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[ Breathing heavily ]
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Jake, stop!
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[ Music stops ]
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Starchy, I think
they like the clarinet music!
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Also,
there's six of them now!
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Jeepers! Really?
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Uh...O-okay.
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Now I definitely know
what you're dealing with --
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an undead.
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The undead fear the gaze
of the common yard chicken.
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Our chicken ran away,
though.
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[ Growls ]
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Are you sure
we need the feathers?
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My chicken's
pretty spot-on.
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We don't want to take
any chances, you know?
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Hm.
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Hey!
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[ Bawks ]
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All this advice
is just made-up baloney!
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Starchy, all your advice
is made-up baloney!
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Aww.
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Well, what are we supposed to
do? Just live with this?
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No more
relying on hearsay.
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We're gonna
take it to the source.
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Secondary source.
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Girl stuff, boy stuff,
ear stuff, butt stuff.
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Hey! Creepy stuff!
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[ Both grunt ]
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Got it.
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Aah! Aah!
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Shh.
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Library's closed.
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Turtle princess!
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Did you dye your hair?
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Oh, yeah, I did.
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Do you like it?
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Yeah -- hotness.
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Say, do you know anything
about creepy blank-eyed girls?
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No, but I can find out.
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"Creepy blank-eyed girls."
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Oh!
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Says here
they're an urban legend
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that first appeared
five years ago.
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-They're supposedly...
-Wait -- five years ago?
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That's -- that's just like
Starchy's radio show.
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[ Gasps deeply ]
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Maybe they're tulpas!
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What the blob
is a tulpa?
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Physical manifestations of
concentrated collective thought.
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They're entities
who depend on the energy
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of people believing in them
in order to exist --
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people like
Starchy's listeners.
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Okay.
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And where did you learn
all this blobbity-Bob?
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Starchy's radio show.
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I think I know
what we need to do.
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Thanks turtle p.
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[ Grunts ]
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[ Muffled ]
Any time, finny.
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Why don't we call, like,
child services?
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Or an exterminator?
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This is gonna work.
Just trust me, a'ight?
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Ugh.
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Do as I do.
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[ All exhale ]
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[ Inhales deeply ]
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Boy, I just love
walking through
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our delightfully not-creepy
doorway.
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-Don't you, Jake?
-Uh-huh, uh-huh.
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Aaaaaaaah!
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Walking through
the not-creepy air
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to my not-creepy couch,
sitting on my not-creepy butt.
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[ Chuckles ]
Your butt is kinda creepy.
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I say "creepy"
is just another label we use
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to distance ourselves from stuff
we don't understand --
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[ gasping ]
Or that reminds us
of something in ourselves
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[ gasping ]
That we're not
comfortable with.
08:57.029 --> 08:58.295
Hm.
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I mean, it just ain't
an actual thing, you know?
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Unless you choose
to believe it.
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Right, Jake?
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[ Sighs shakily ]
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It's baloney! It's baloney!
It's Starchy's baloney!
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I just got to think
of something wholesome.
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[ Speaks korean]
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Aaah!
09:17.182 --> 09:18.282
Aaaah!
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[ Breathing heavily ]
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NOoooo!!
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Pizza's creepy now!
09:25.524 --> 09:27.558
[ Crying ]
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You win, all right?!
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You're mad-creepy!
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Do what you will,
you globless blank-eyed girls!
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Uh...
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[ High-pitched ] What?
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What the butt fuzz?!
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Contact lenses?!
09:48.514 --> 09:50.314
Ha! Baloney.
09:50.316 --> 09:53.750
Nothing but some kids
playing a dumb prank!
09:55.987 --> 09:58.755
Man. This whole time,
they were just regular girls.
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Where are your parents,
huh?
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You guys are going to jail!
You hear?
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So, y'all are bald.
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Good job.
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I'm still calling the cops.
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[ Squeaking ]
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[ Both whimpering ]
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What the junk
was that?
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I think it was...
10:47.706 --> 10:49.840
Beautiful.
10:54.212 --> 10:58.548
Come along with me
10:58.550 --> 11:02.519
and the butterflies and bees