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WANDA: Previously on WandaVision...

2
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WANDA: We are an unusual couple, ya know?

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My wife and her flying saucers.

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My husband and his indestructible head.

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Hello, dear.
I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right.

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NORM: You're like a walking computer.

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What? I most certainly am not.

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VISION: Dinner with Mr. Hart
and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart.

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00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,356
MRS. HART: What brought you here?

10
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-How long have you been married?
-ARTHUR: Why did you come here?

11
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Damn it, why?

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-MRS. HART: Stop it. Stop it.
-(CHOKING)

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Vision, help him.

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-(THUDDING)
-(GASPS)

15
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-What was that?
-(THUDDING CONTINUES)

16
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Wanda?

17
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Yes, dear?

18
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Are you using your powers
to turn on the light?

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-(THUDDING)
-Yes, dear.

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Allow me, sweetheart.

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WANDA: What do you see?

22
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Only your lovely rose bushes.

23
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That's all?

24
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Are you using your night vision, Vision?

25
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I assure you, my love,
I see nothing amiss.

26
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You have absolutely
no reason to be frightened... (YELPS)

27
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You were saying?

28
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Actually, I did overhear
a couple of lads at work

29
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remarking on a few unsavory characters
settling in the neighborhood.

30
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Now, who knows
what those ne'er-do-wells might be up to?

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Robbing houses, vandalizing property.

32
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Walking through walls,
moving objects without touching them.

33
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Wanda, darling, you can't be suggesting
my colleagues were referring to us.

34
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-(THUD)
-(WANDA GASPS)

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One of us should really
determine the source of that sound.

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Yes, one of us should.

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-(THUD)
-(BOTH GASP)

38
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Oh, this is getting ridiculous.

39
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I'm going to take a look.

40
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-Oh, God! Darling!
-(THUD)

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00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,280
(THUDDING)

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Well, I think we handled that well.

43
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Yes, I must say
I'm rather proud of myself.

44
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And look how you seized
on the opportunity to redecorate.

45
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-This is better, isn't it?
-Mmm.

46
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Wanda, darling?

47
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Yes, dear?

48
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Get the light.

49
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,393
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

50
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WandaVision!

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WandaVision!

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WandaVision
Wa-WandaVision

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WandaVision
Wa-WandaVision

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WandaVision
Wa-WandaVision

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WandaVision!

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Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick,

57
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I bring you the Cabinet of Mysteries.

58
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-Darling, that's your cue.
-WANDA: You said, "Cabinet of Mysteries?"

59
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I said, "The Cabinet of Mysteries."

60
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WANDA: Oh, that's my cue. Ooh!

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Holy Toledo!

62
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Darling, do all the other acts
in the talent show

63
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have such elaborate props?

64
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Are you kidding?

65
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Fred and Linda are building a moat

66
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and a fully-functioning portcullis
and no one even knows why.

67
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Let's keep going.

68
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,356
Yes, yes. Where was I? Um...

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Watch closely as I, Illusion,
Master of Enigma,

70
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make my captivating assistant,
Glamour, disappear.

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(WANDA GASPS)

72
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You really are very dashing.

73
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Mmm, thank you, darling.

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Fear not, Glamour.

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For I, Illusion,
vow to bring you back exactly as you are.

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(SHUDDERS)

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Abracadabra!

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Ta-ta...

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Yes, um, Wanda, you're not at all worried

80
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that the audience might just see
through this little charade?

81
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Well, that's the whole point.

82
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In a real magic act, everything is fake.

83
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Darling, the talent show fundraiser
is the most important event of the season

84
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and it's our neighborly duty
to participate.

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Plus, it's our chance to appear
as normal as possible while doing so.

86
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Well, I don't think
that should be a problem.

87
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This is our home now.

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I want us to fit in. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

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Oh, darling, we do. We shall.

90
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And we're gonna knock their socks off,

91
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especially with you wearing this.

92
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Oh, that's actually
the rest of your costume.

93
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Oh!

94
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Well, I better get going

95
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If I'm gonna make
the planning committee meeting.

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That's me off as well, actually.

97
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There's a gathering
of the neighborhood watch

98
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at the public library.

99
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,949
And after last night's excitement,

100
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I want to make sure
this town's security is up to snuff.

101
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That's a swell idea.

102
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You tell those tree branches who's boss.

103
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Would you look at us?

104
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Wanda and Vision, Westview fitter-inners.

105
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(CHUCKLING)

106
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I'll see you at curtain call.

107
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(THUDDING)

108
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Look, it's the star o' the show.
(CHUCKLES)

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Agnes.

110
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I'm sorry. What did you say?

111
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Oh, I brought my pet rabbit.
For your magic act.

112
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Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes.

113
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We will take good care of him.

114
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Señor Scratchy just loves the stage.

115
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He played baby Jesus
in last year's Christmas pageant.

116
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Oh.

117
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Oh, morning, Dennis.

118
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Morning, Agnes.

119
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Stick 'em up.

120
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Don't shoot. I'm just a messenger.

121
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(CHUCKLING) Pew-pew!

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Mmm.

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-Shall we?
-Oh, we shall.

124
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So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac
and her Merry Homemakers?

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(CHUCKLES) Agnes,
Dottie can't be as bad as you say.

126
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Hmm, well, you'll notice
her roses bloom under penalty of death.

127
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(SCOFFS)

128
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Wanda, can I give you
a bit of friendly advice?

129
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Is it about the way how I'm dressed?

130
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Yes, but it's too late for that.

131
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Dottie is the key
to everything in this town.

132
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Country club memberships, parties,
school admissions...

133
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Well, let's not
get ahead of ourselves. (CHUCKLES)

134
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You get in with Dottie and it'll be
smooth sailing from here on out.

135
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Just mind your P's and Q's
and you're gonna do just fine.

136
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Or maybe I could just be myself?
More or less?

137
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(LAUGHING)

138
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Oh, Wanda, that's good.

139
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-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
-(LAUGHING)

140
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,475
Everybody, hurry up please.

141
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Hiya, Dottie! Your roses are divine.

142
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Well, thank you.

143
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-(SIGHS)
-(EXHALES)

144
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The Rotary Club is finishing
the stage set-up as we speak.

145
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They've given the gazebo
a fresh coat of paint

146
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and will be installing the final
decorations all through the town square.

147
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And if you recognize
the antique footlights,

148
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it's because they're from my store.

149
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And the chairs?

150
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,927
I'm sorry, Dottie.
I didn't ask about the chairs.

151
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:57,973
So you better not ask me if you can
chair any committees in the future.

152
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(WOMEN LAUGHING)

153
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,478
The devil's in the details, Bev.

154
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,939
That's not the only place he is.

155
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,150
DOTTIE: As you all know, the talent show

156
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is the sole fundraiser
for Westview Elementary.

157
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This might help.

158
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DOTTIE: In the eight years
since I founded our little club,

159
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this event has gotten
bigger and better every season.

160
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Say, those pants are peachy keen.

161
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,748
Do you really think so?

162
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,083
The other ladies are in skirts.
I was worried.

163
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,169
We only have a few hours until show time,

164
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so a little less cross chatter
and a little more focus.

165
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,424
Okay.

166
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,469
DOTTIE: Those little boys and girls
are counting on us.

167
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,347
All of this is for the children.

168
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,765
WOMEN: "For the children."

169
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,392
"For the children."

170
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:45,687
(CLEARS THROAT)

171
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:49,816
So, I want you all
to give yourselves a big hand...

172
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:55,447
...at the appropriate time, of course.

173
00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,992
But first let's review event etiquette.

174
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,954
Dress code is upscale garden party...

175
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:05,123
The only reason I didn't clap
is because I'm afraid to move.

176
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,291
Yeah.

177
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,627
I actually don't know what I'm doing here.

178
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,922
I'm starting to feel that way myself.
I'm Wanda.

179
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:16,260
-I'm, uh... Geraldine.
-Hi.

180
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And I'm irritated.

181
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,101
Tickets for tonight
are completely sold out.

182
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,019
Now, you can clap.

183
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,273
And stop.

184
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,360
Really, how is anybody doing this sober?

185
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,247
-Let's say green.
-NORM: Yeah.

186
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,082
I mean, the other side could be dirt.

187
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,877
Pardon me.
Is this the neighborhood watch meeting?

188
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,422
NORM: Oh, hiya, Vision.

189
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,549
Didn't expect to see you here.

190
00:11:56,842 --> 00:12:00,762
This is sort of
a "members only" type deal.

191
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,640
Ah! Certainly. Right. Well...

192
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,852
I'll just stay here
and be as quiet as a church mouse

193
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,062
till you open up the floor
for new business.

194
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,149
Well, in truth,
we were just getting to new business.

195
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,194
Oh, splendid! Could you tell me
how often you rotate security patrols?

196
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:17,696
Do you interface directly
with local law enforcement?

197
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,032
What are your protocols for threats
such as burglary,

198
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,450
graffiti, and reckless driving?

199
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,536
-No, Vision.
-I know these are indeed grave matters.

200
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,998
"New business"
actually means another round of Danish.

201
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,543
Raspberry or cheese-filled?

202
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,962
Oh, neither for me, thank you.
I don't eat food.

203
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:44,223
What I mean to say is that I don't eat
food in between meals but at mealtimes.

204
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,892
I'm a regular eating machine.

205
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:48,727
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

206
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,314
Hey, fellas.
Vision here has got a point.

207
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:56,276
Now, listen up. I got some
top secret intelligence for you.

208
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,402
Oh, excellent.

209
00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,905
Now, you know
how Johnson's been braggin'

210
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,782
about that treehouse
he built for his kids?

211
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,991
Yeah.

212
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,077
It's a prefab job.

213
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,286
(ALL SCOFFING)

214
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,664
That blockhead can't even swing a hammer.

215
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:10,624
I can do you one better.

216
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,126
You know those bowling trophies
Arthur's always polishing?

217
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:17,339
He bought 'em all
at a yard sale in Hackensack.

218
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,342
I knew it. I've never once seen him
down at the lanes.

219
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,472
I too have
some top secret gossip to share.

220
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,102
Norm here's a Communist.

221
00:13:33,272 --> 00:13:34,940
(ALL LAUGHING)

222
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,155
Vision, you're a real cut-up.

223
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:44,533
You know, I always
thought you were kind of a square.

224
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:48,078
-Me? No, I'm as round as they come.
-(ALL LAUGHING)

225
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,081
Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red?

226
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,833
Well, hold on there a second.

227
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,210
Didn't you hear the man?
He doesn't eat food.

228
00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,837
Is gum food?

229
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,548
Well, my understanding
is that it's purely for mastication.

230
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,967
No, I don't do that.

231
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,888
Well, when in Westview... Cheers.

232
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,308
Who knew you were such a funny guy?

233
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:13,896
And to think you came here all hot
and bothered about protocols and nonsense.

234
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,939
We actually thought you were serious.

235
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:28,035
He's funny.
All right, so, back to this barbeque.

236
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,039
(SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO)

237
00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:34,374
(GRUNTS)

238
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,212
That is why you never do
a seating chart on an empty stomach.

239
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:41,340
Golly, you're a whiz
at all this committee stuff, Dottie.

240
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:45,594
Thank you for choosing me to help
you clean up today. I feel so lucky.

241
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,221
You are.

242
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,769
I can't help but wonder if you and I

243
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,188
haven't gotten off
on the wrong foot, Dottie.

244
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:59,691
And I would like to correct that if I can.

245
00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:01,485
And how would you do that?

246
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:03,612
(CHUCKLES)

247
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,074
I've heard things about you.

248
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,203
You and your husband.

249
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,249
Well, I don't know what you've been told,

250
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:21,672
but I assure you
I don't mean anyone any harm.

251
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,259
I don't believe you.

252
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:34,309
MAN: (THROUGH RADIO)
Wanda. Wanda, can you read me, over?

253
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,437
-Wanda?
-Who is that?

254
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:38,730
Wanda?

255
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,611
Who are you?

256
00:15:44,695 --> 00:15:47,155
Wanda?

257
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:49,199
Wanda.

258
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,869
Who is doing this to you, Wanda?

259
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:55,539
Wanda? Wanda? Wan...

260
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,292
(BOTH GASP)

261
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:00,961
WANDA: Dottie!

262
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,671
(STUTTERS)

263
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,050
You... Oh!

264
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:10,345
(SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO)

265
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,225
Pop quiz, Wanda.

266
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:19,688
How does a housewife
get a bloodstain out of white linen?

267
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,525
By doing it herself.

268
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:37,289
MAN: They say a man is never fully-dressed
without two important accessories.

269
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,041
His special lady...

270
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,712
and his Strücker.

271
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,763
Strücker. He'll make time for you.

272
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,981
-(TAP DANCING)
-(PIANO PLAYING)

273
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,616
(GIGGLES)
Glad I don't have to follow this guy.

274
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,243
Huh? What?

275
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,370
Oh, but you're gonna be great.

276
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,038
(SHUDDERING)

277
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,290
What time is it now?

278
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,584
Mmm, two minutes
after the last time you asked.

279
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:23,752
(WANDA GROANING)

280
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,462
I don't know where he could be.

281
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,219
-Oh, is that him?
-(GASPS)

282
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,556
Well, it looks like
he's got a little hitch in his giddy-up.

283
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:36,932
Whoa!

284
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,648
Wanda, my little cabbage,
you look smashing!

285
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,149
-(VISION GRUNTS)
-Whoa!

286
00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:50,779
-WANDA: Vis.
-Hmm.

287
00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,197
-Where have you been?
-Oh.

288
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:54,741
Uh, well, me and the boys were playing

289
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,619
a rather thrilling
game of horses with shoes.

290
00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:58,871
No, that's not it.

291
00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:00,831
Shoe horses! No. (GRUNTS)

292
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,791
Ah! Horse's shoes.

293
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:07,004
Listen, something strange
happened with Dottie.

294
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:11,967
Well, something strange happened
before that, too. It's hard to explain.

295
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,553
I was just playing with his shoes.

296
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,263
What is going on?

297
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:17,431
You are!

298
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,724
Huh? (GASPS)

299
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,227
I want to thank you all for coming out

300
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:26,607
to support Westview Elementary,
"For the children."

301
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,901
ALL: "For the children."

302
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,194
And for our final act...

303
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:34,198
I give you, Wanda and Vision.

304
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,574
(APPLAUSE)

305
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:38,952
(SIGHS)

306
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:53,300
Hey! Hey! You're up, Cowboy!

307
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,511
What?

308
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,472
Oh! Yeah! I've to go!

309
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,684
Hello, Westview! Good afternoon.

310
00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,102
It's so lovely to be...

311
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,647
I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

312
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,942
I am Glamour and this
is my delightful assistant, Illusion.

313
00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:14,321
I am Glamour and he's Illusion.

314
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:17,407
Yeah, what she said.

315
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:23,622
Today, we will lie to you and yet
you will believe our little deceptions

316
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,541
because human beings are easily fooled

317
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:29,670
due to their limited understanding
of the inner workings of the universe.

318
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,129
Flourish!

319
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,257
You just do it,
you don't say it out loud, honey.

320
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,466
(SCOFFS)

321
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:38,387
And now my wife and I will delight

322
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,098
in your dumbstruck little faces.

323
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:43,767
Flourish!

324
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,312
(ALL GASPING)

325
00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:57,698
(VISION STAMMERING)

326
00:19:58,407 --> 00:20:00,993
Ha! See there? He's using a rope.

327
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:05,330
Wanda, what's... Oh, no!
Oh! No! Wanda, please!

328
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:08,166
-Darling, let me down!
-Oh!

329
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:12,004
-I'm feeling pukey!
-(LAUGHING)

330
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,422
VISION: Ooh!

331
00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:17,134
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)

332
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,594
Uh, what's next?

333
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,930
Oh! Yeah, this is...
This is gonna be great!

334
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:25,100
A staggering feat of strength.

335
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,562
(AUDIENCE GASPING)

336
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,067
-Ah?
-Illusion... Uh... Uh...

337
00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:39,865
-Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me.
-Yeah?

338
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,284
-What?
-(WANDA GRUNTS)

339
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,745
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Oh!

340
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,291
Whoops! You weren't supposed to see
how we did that trick.

341
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,001
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)

342
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,295
That was my grandmother's piano.

343
00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:58,342
Oh, Sherbert! Yeah,
this is my old mate, Sherbert.

344
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,761
Stand up, Sherbert.
Say hello to the crowd.

345
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,429
It's Herbert, Herb.

346
00:21:02,513 --> 00:21:06,517
Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card.
Any card.

347
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,061
Yeah, put it back in the deck.

348
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:12,231
I'm not looking. All right. Watch this.

349
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:15,984
Is this your card?

350
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,529
Uh, no.

351
00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:20,739
I beg to differ.

352
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:21,907
Mmm-mmm.

353
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,660
Really? Is this your card?

354
00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,870
-Vision...
-Mmm-mmm.

355
00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:27,955
(GROANS IN ANGER)

356
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:31,250
Is this your card? Is this your card?
Is this your card? Is this your card?

357
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:34,461
-Is this your card?
-Mmm-mmm.

358
00:21:34,545 --> 00:21:36,505
Argh! Is this your card?
Is this your card?

359
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:37,798
-No. No. No. No.
-Is this your card?

360
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:40,926
Is this your card? Is this your card?
Is this your card? Is this your card?

361
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,219
Is this your card?

362
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,512
Oh, it is!

363
00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:44,680
It is what?

364
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:45,931
It's my card.

365
00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,351
Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back.

366
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:51,937
Oh, no, you did the trick right.

367
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,565
Well, of course I did the trick right!
I'm Illusion!

368
00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,567
Flourish!

369
00:21:56,650 --> 00:21:59,945
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND LAUGHING)

370
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,905
And now, for my next trick...

371
00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:03,615
Oh, goodness me.

372
00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:05,951
Who stole my hat?

373
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,953
Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit!

374
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,330
I gotta need to pull a hat out of it.

375
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:14,960
Señor Scratchy's got real star quality,
don't you think?

376
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:18,505
Maybe we leave the poor bunny
out this one, shall we?

377
00:22:18,589 --> 00:22:21,300
Well then,
I will just have to pull this hat...

378
00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,386
...out of myself.

379
00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:26,180
(AUDIENCE GASPING)

380
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:28,015
Vision, no.

381
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,474
I'm doin' it.

382
00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:33,604
Ah-ha!

383
00:22:34,313 --> 00:22:35,564
(CHUCKLING)

384
00:22:36,732 --> 00:22:40,360
-If only you all knew our secret.
-(VISION CHUCKLING)

385
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,864
-Oh!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

386
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,824
Is that how mirrors work?

387
00:22:45,908 --> 00:22:47,159
Shut up, Bev.

388
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:52,706
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for our grand finale.

389
00:22:53,457 --> 00:22:57,836
I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries!

390
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,296
The Cabinet of Mysteries!

391
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:01,715
VISION: Yeah, yeah. What she said.

392
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:05,427
I will now make my wife...

393
00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:08,472
...disappear.

394
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:15,479
Are you sure you don't want an audience
volunteer named "My husband Ralph?"

395
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:17,272
-(CHUCKLES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

396
00:23:17,356 --> 00:23:19,483
(LAUGHING)

397
00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:22,986
No. Abracadabra!

398
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:28,325
-Uh, sweetheart?
-Yeah?

399
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:31,161
-Hi.
-Oh.

400
00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:35,082
What's in the box?

401
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:38,752
What's in the box?
What's in the box? What's in the box?

402
00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:40,671
Yeah, what's in the box?

403
00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:42,923
What's in the box?
What's in the box?

404
00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:46,134
What's in the box?
What's in the box?

405
00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:50,138
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

406
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:52,850
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

407
00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:53,976
Oh!

408
00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:56,186
Oh, yes!

409
00:23:56,270 --> 00:23:57,354
Flourish.

410
00:24:04,695 --> 00:24:06,196
Let's get outta here.

411
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:08,740
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

412
00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:10,576
-I'm so stupid.
-Vis? Vis, it's all right.

413
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,369
It's all right.
It's all right. It's all right.

414
00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:13,787
But what is going on with you?

415
00:24:13,871 --> 00:24:17,916
I have no idea.
I've been feeling weirdy all day.

416
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,668
Okay. Okay. Okay.

417
00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:22,838
-(GRUNTS)
-Oh!

418
00:24:24,256 --> 00:24:25,340
(VISION GRUNTING)

419
00:24:31,972 --> 00:24:34,391
Would you look at that?

420
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,643
That really gummed up my works, didn't it?

421
00:24:36,727 --> 00:24:38,353
-WANDA: Hmm.
-(CHUCKLING)

422
00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:42,524
I'm not as funny without it, am I?

423
00:24:42,608 --> 00:24:45,277
Well, you're back to yourself
and that's all I care about.

424
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,404
Now, let's get out of here before Dottie

425
00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:50,949
and the planning committee
string us up for ruining the show.

426
00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:01,919
You two, stop right there.

427
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:05,714
(SIGHS)

428
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:09,092
Nothing like what you two just did up here

429
00:25:09,176 --> 00:25:12,888
has ever happened
in the history of our talent show.

430
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:17,476
Dottie, we are so...

431
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:18,685
Hilarious.

432
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:25,108
That was the most hilarious act
we've ever seen.

433
00:25:25,192 --> 00:25:26,443
Wouldn't you all agree?

434
00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:28,362
Yeah.

435
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:32,324
Oh, yes.

436
00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:34,785
You two, come on up. Come on.

437
00:25:37,412 --> 00:25:40,165
On behalf of the planning committee,

438
00:25:40,249 --> 00:25:41,458
I would like to award you

439
00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:45,546
with the inaugural
Comedy Performance of the Year.

440
00:25:45,629 --> 00:25:47,047
Oh, thank you.

441
00:25:52,553 --> 00:25:53,846
(CHUCKLING)

442
00:26:03,063 --> 00:26:04,606
-I have to ask.
-VISION: Hmm.

443
00:26:04,690 --> 00:26:09,027
One second, I'm backstage and in the next,
I'm in a dark cubby hole.

444
00:26:09,111 --> 00:26:10,404
How'd you do it?

445
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:12,531
Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets.

446
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,324
He leaves that to his assistant.

447
00:26:14,408 --> 00:26:15,993
And she's not talking.

448
00:26:17,244 --> 00:26:20,163
-I had a feeling you'd say that.
-(WANDA AND GERALDINE CHUCKLING)

449
00:26:24,168 --> 00:26:25,252
"For the children!"

450
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:27,546
AUDIENCE: "For the children!"

451
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,929
You were tremendous, Glamour.

452
00:26:36,013 --> 00:26:38,640
As were you, Illusion. (CHUCKLES)

453
00:26:40,392 --> 00:26:41,476
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

454
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,896
I don't know what I was so worried about.

455
00:26:43,979 --> 00:26:47,399
It wasn't so hard to fit in after all.

456
00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:50,402
And all we had to do was be ourselves.

457
00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:52,863
Well, with a few modifications.

458
00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:56,700
-And it was all for the children.
-For the children.

459
00:26:57,534 --> 00:26:59,995
Well, I think the children
might need some popcorn.

460
00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:02,456
Wanda.

461
00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:03,707
Hmm, what?

462
00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:06,877
(GASPS)

463
00:27:08,420 --> 00:27:11,798
Vision... Is this really happening?

464
00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:16,470
Yes, my love.

465
00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:18,263
It's really happening.

466
00:27:18,347 --> 00:27:19,640
(THUDDING)

467
00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:25,729
If it's that damn tree again,
I am going to rip it out by the roots!

468
00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:34,696
I don't see anything.

469
00:27:46,917 --> 00:27:48,126
What is that?

470
00:27:55,634 --> 00:27:57,219
Wanda.

471
00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:04,351
(BEES BUZZING)

472
00:28:11,942 --> 00:28:13,193
No.

473
00:28:22,202 --> 00:28:26,707
Vision... Is this really happening?

474
00:28:28,417 --> 00:28:29,877
Yes, my love.

475
00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:33,005
It's really happening.

476
00:28:46,268 --> 00:28:47,269
Vision...

477
00:29:08,832 --> 00:29:10,000
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

478
00:29:20,677 --> 00:29:23,889
MAN: (THROUGH RADIO) Wanda?
Who's doing this to you, Wanda?

479
00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:25,641
Wanda?